We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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