Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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