You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
