i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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