you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
