haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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