Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
