I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
