I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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