is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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