I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
