My friends, they love my intelligence
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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