I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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