Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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