For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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