i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
