My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
