Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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