I love black thongs
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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