Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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