Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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