you would pick up someone in the library
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
