You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
