I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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