If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
