Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
