Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
