You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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