Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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