Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
