I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize