Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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