I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
