Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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