I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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