Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
