i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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