I'm going to jail i love you
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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