I hate all girls vehemently.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
