I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize