Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
