just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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