Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
