I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
