I'm really into asian looking animals
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
