I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
