My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize