Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize