My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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