is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
