Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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