we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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