I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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