I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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