I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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