Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm always down for nudity.
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