why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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