i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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