Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
