I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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