So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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