a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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