My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
