My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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