I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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