I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
