This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
