After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
