Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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