They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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