It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
