the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
