If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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