I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
