I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
